Those Amazing Chairs

So tonight I went to dinner, and sat next to a weeble-woobble couple. He was fat, but she was obese--well over 200 pounds. Her fat poked out from under her shirt and above her pants (yes, she showed her muffin top and her butt crack), and her rump was too big for the chair. Not very appetizing. She ordered an appetizer, then a huge meal. And when she was done with her meal, she switched plates with her husband and ate his, too. (No wonder he was smaller than her.)

What totally amazed me was that the chair she was sitting on, with it's spindly legs and spare seat, could withstand allllll that weight.

Mean Girls

There are two types of fat girls: the jolly ones and the jealous ones. The jolly ones are fun. They accept everyone, including themselves. Yeah, they're fat. They eat too much. They are lazy. My fat GF tells me this all the time. She can scarf down a 1/2 gallon of ice cream and a couple of candy bars in one sitting. But, what the hell.

It's the jealous fatties that I have a problem with. The ones who will give you the evil eye when you walk into a restaurant. The ones who get mad at their BF's or husbands for looking at a lean attractive woman-and then get mad at you. The ones that'll send out mean gossip just 'cause they're jealous.

Just watch a mean fattie sometime. They'll step back and look the lean woman up and down and then give her a sneer. Nice, huh?

I bet you already knew this, though.

The Whale

I wanted to recount an experience I had over the summer. My family and I were at the beach, and there was a woman who had to have easily been 300 pounds or more. I had never seen a human that big before. I couldn't believe she had found a bathing suit to fit her.

Her legs were totally disgusting. Her ankles were as big as my thighs. Her thighs had crevices and pockmarks, as if it had hailed on her body and left scars.

For some reason, this woman decided to venture into the water, and can you guess what happened? The water knocked her down. It knocked her down, and she was so damn enormous that she couldn't pull herself back up. The waves pushed and jarred her. She rolled in the surf. My kids learned that fat people are very bouyant. She struggled and laughed (at least, fatties have a sense of humor--and why not?) for yards and yards as the ocean tossed her about. I (I know, you can hardly believe it) went to offer her fat family (you didn't expect them to be otherwise?) help. I was going to help them hoist her up. They graciously refused. They probably figured there was a liability issue.

For about an hour she sat in the surf. I figured she was doing her business as her face looked very intense. One of the porky little kids brought her a can of soda. The beached whale sat there for a long time until one of the men in her party was able to brace himself enough to finally pull her up.

Disgusting but true.

Fat Runs in Packs

I took this picture the other day in a local restaurant. If you look at the counter, you'll see a huge man in overalls. He came in with his fat family and was "bringing up the rear." They were all obese. Is it nature or nuture?

Just the other night, I was watching a show on Dateline. It was following a fat family around to see what they ate. The mother was obese, and she made really bad choices for her kids. Her 11yo daughter was 150 lbs. That seems criminal. The mother had no self-control. She drank two 2-liter bottles of Mountain Dew a day. How is she going to help her kids if she cannot help herself? Those kids were destined for trouble from the beginning.

Fat Fitness

I went to the gym this morning and there was a fat fitness instructor teaching our class. She's been an instructor for about two years, and when she first started teaching she was a little stout. Now she's just fat. It is incredibly aggravating because she slows down the class. She's too unhealthy and overweight to do a lot of the exercises herself. So I am going to write the gym and tell them that you cannot have a fattie teaching class. This woman is too lazy to even do 10 push-ups with the class. Pa-thetic!

All Gone

Well, they are gone. The New-Years Resolutioners have given up--as they do every year. They'll be back next January. What a joke.

Easy, Sleazy Fat Girls

Don't deny it. Fat girls are easy and sleazy. They know their market value--they know that they are at the bottom of the pecking order. It is so much easier to score a nice-looking fattie than it is to score a nice-looking trim woman. You know fat girls don't feel good about themselves, so they just give it away. That's why guys should have a fat female friend or two. Late night bootie calls when there's nothing else out there.

Suckers

Fat people are suckers. Every year end, you see the gyms gearing up for the stampede of fatties. Every year, the fatties come like cattle to the trough. They start out exuberant, getting their body fat measured, setting up exercise programs. Four weeks into the new year, you'll see them bumping and fumbling their way around the gym, but by week eight, they start to dwindle. Parking spaces open up. There's room in the kid's club again. The fatties drop from the gym like big fat ticks.

Then, poof, they are gone. What a waste of money for them. What an inconvenience for the rest of us.

Does Obesity Make You Stupid?

Well, I always suspected that fatties were not as smart as normal weight people. Not trying to be mean. Just a fact. If you notice, most really bright kids are not fat. You can look at a classroom of bright versus average kids. And take a look at the smart people you know--I bet they are not obese.

There is merit to this claim. According to researchers, obese people have less brain tissue, older-looking brains and brain degeneration. They are at risk for Alzheimer's and other degenerative brain diseases.

Just one more reason why we need to limit the amount of food rationed out to obese people.

Wal-Mart

What the freak.

Wal-Mart is on my do-not-visit list, but there are some things that you just cannot buy anywhere but the big box.

My visit today reminded me of one of the many reasons why I don't shop there: too many fatties. One I recognized. The last time I saw her, she was fat. Now she's obese.

This woman is only in her late thirties and she's already riding "the scooter." Why should the store (and ultimately the shoppers) pay to haul fat people around the store? I noticed when this woman wanted something she hopped right up and grabbed it off the shelf.

Isn't she the person that needs to walk the most? I say, save the scooters for our elderly and injured. Fatties need take a hike.

Double-wide? Buy two seats

So a big, fat film director, Kevin Smith, was recently given the boot on a Southwest flight because he was too fat to fly. Seems he was overflowing into his neighbor's seat, which caused a potential safety risk in an emergency.

The airline, mistakenly IMO, apologized. They do not owe Mr. Smith, or anyone else, an apology for this incident. The guy was gi-normous and should have bought an additional seat in the first place. Why does his right to be fat supersede another person's right to the space he's purchased? If I buy a seat-and this has happened to me-it IS unfair to have an obese person flowing into the space I purchased. It is nothing less than suffocating. And disgusting.

Why even did he bother to be outraged? If his seat-mate had staggered on board obnoxiously drunk from OVER-CONSUMPTION of alcohol, Mr. Smith, no doubt, would have insisted the sot be removed. Why then, shouldn't someone who is obnoxiously overweight from OVER-CONSUMPTION of food also be removed?

In her interesting commentary, Cathy Ladman, defends Mr. Smith. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. He should pay according to his size--for larger clothes (makes sense-he needs more material), for all-you-can-eat (makes sense, he eats more food) and for any other service in which his weight is a factor or an offense (that includes the theater, the symphony and his healthcare).

No, Ms. Ladman, the "world is not made for fat people." Nor should it be. Being fat is, most oftentimes, a result of laziness and greed or both. It is consuming more than your fair share. That is not fair to the rest of the world.

celebrities

There is no shame in being obese anymore. In fact, it can even be quite an advantage. If you're fat (the fatter the better), you can be a celebrity. You can be The Biggest Loser. You can be on commercials selling sandwiches. You can be on posters showing your incredible weight loss. After all, when you have SO MUCH to lose, it's easy to make a dramatic change.

Fat Politics

Now Michelle Obama has jumped on the bandwagon. The number of chubby kids has tripled since 1970, according to a study by the New England Journal of Medicine. Because of their weight, these kids now face the possibility of living fewer years than their parents.

Seems to me that if parents allow their children to grow obese, they should be fined. And they should NOT be allowed to have any more kids. That's only fair. If you are too lazy to get your kid outside to exercise, if you feed your kids more food than your neighbor feeds her kids, then you should not have the right to be a parent.

I know, I know, I hear it now. But healthy food is so expensive. I say bullshit to that. Fatties can buy what's on sale. They can consume fewer calories. A $5 high-calorie extra value meal is too much fat, calories and salt anyway.

New Year's "Resolutioners"

Well, it's almost over. Only a few more weeks until the regulars get their gym back. Those overweight, out-of-shape people who joined the gym at the first of the year making "weight loss" and "good health" a resolution, will soon be gone. That means we will be able to find a parking space, we won't run out of hand weights and benches in over-crowded classes and the kids room won't have a wait. Yay!

A recent time article notes that 58% of Americans would like to lose weight. "Would like" doesn't translate, however, to "will put forth the effort." These folks only want to lose weight if it's easy and convenient. They want "instant results." Just last week I heard a New Year's resolutioner say to the instructor, "which classes do you recommend to help lose weight fast?" I was putting away my weights, so I didn't hear her answer, but this is what the instructor was probably thinking: It's called sustained effort and life style change. After a few weeks, the novelty wears off and fatties are right back on the couch.

Guess even the fitness business has its season.

Looking for quick fixes

You don't just wake up one day and, voila, you are fat. No. You grow yourself fat. Bit by bit. Day by day. That's why I'm amazed that so many people expect a quick-fix. The other day, I saw an ad for a girdle that makes obese women slimmer. Rather than putting in the time to lose weight and get healthy, fatties would rather slip on a piece of clothing that slims them. (Hence, the popularity of "Spanks.")

Where does all that fat go? It's smushed and pushed, and it has to pop out somewhere. That's just gross.

If there's a silver lining to those girdles, it's that people are employed making them. And someone's getting rich.

Piggies

Everyday, you can see examples of why Americans are so fat. You've seen fat people waiting for the closest parking space (yet they're the ones who NEED to walk). You've seen them on motorized scooters in the grocery store (hey! fatties should pay for those scooters--not all customers!).

Yesterday, I was at a school-sponsored event. The school sells tickets to a "food experience." Local restaurants volunteer their time and their food, and all proceeds go to the school. The idea is that you and the people you purchase tickets for, will go from booth to booth sampling each restaurant's food. Key word here is SAMPLE. There was one woman who was well over 225 pounds who did not know the meaning of sample. And this is what gives fatties a bad name. This woman had a tupperware container with her, and she was loading it up with cookies and brownies from one of the booths. She also had a large bag which had other containers. It was one of the most disgusting things I've ever seen. This woman stood at the booths in her tent dress taking more than her fair share while other people waited patiently in line behind her. Imagine the example she set for the kids. I don't know what happened with her--I went to report her. But do we really need to "report" or police others? Shouldn't this woman have already known that hogging the food was selfish and unethical?

Good Logic

Logic tells you that people who are eating too much, especially in a world where others suffer from hunger, should be paying a "fat tax." That's right. If you eat or drink more than your fair share, according to your body type and height, then you should pay a surcharge on your excess consumption.

Look. This is fair. In many states, if you use an "average" amount of water, you pay a set fee. If you use an excess of water, then you start paying surcharges. It's the same for our tax system. If you earn more, you're taxed at a higher rate. If you bring more luggage on a plane, you pay more.

If you are eating more than what you should, if you are flying on a plane and you are obese, then you should pay a surcharge.

Fatties are Disgusting

Fat people are gross. There's no question about it. With two-thirds of Americans overweight, and half of those obese, America should change its symbol to porky pig, or maybe something more stately like the hog.

I'm not kidding. Have you taken a look around lately? There are so many fat people, and they have no shame. They wear tight clothes and let their fat flaps hang over their jeans. They wear provocative shirts with cutouts that reveal their fleshy rolls. Gross, gross gross.

I'm starting this blog for several reasons. First, fat people are taking more than their fair share. Their lazy, too, and they don't pull their own weight. Second, they are costing the rest of us--those who control their weight--money. Third, fat women have gotten really nasty towards those women who control their weight. And last, but not least, fat people are growing fat children, which should be a crime.