The Whale

I wanted to recount an experience I had over the summer. My family and I were at the beach, and there was a woman who had to have easily been 300 pounds or more. I had never seen a human that big before. I couldn't believe she had found a bathing suit to fit her.

Her legs were totally disgusting. Her ankles were as big as my thighs. Her thighs had crevices and pockmarks, as if it had hailed on her body and left scars.

For some reason, this woman decided to venture into the water, and can you guess what happened? The water knocked her down. It knocked her down, and she was so damn enormous that she couldn't pull herself back up. The waves pushed and jarred her. She rolled in the surf. My kids learned that fat people are very bouyant. She struggled and laughed (at least, fatties have a sense of humor--and why not?) for yards and yards as the ocean tossed her about. I (I know, you can hardly believe it) went to offer her fat family (you didn't expect them to be otherwise?) help. I was going to help them hoist her up. They graciously refused. They probably figured there was a liability issue.

For about an hour she sat in the surf. I figured she was doing her business as her face looked very intense. One of the porky little kids brought her a can of soda. The beached whale sat there for a long time until one of the men in her party was able to brace himself enough to finally pull her up.

Disgusting but true.