Those Amazing Chairs

So tonight I went to dinner, and sat next to a weeble-woobble couple. He was fat, but she was obese--well over 200 pounds. Her fat poked out from under her shirt and above her pants (yes, she showed her muffin top and her butt crack), and her rump was too big for the chair. Not very appetizing. She ordered an appetizer, then a huge meal. And when she was done with her meal, she switched plates with her husband and ate his, too. (No wonder he was smaller than her.)

What totally amazed me was that the chair she was sitting on, with it's spindly legs and spare seat, could withstand allllll that weight.

Mean Girls

There are two types of fat girls: the jolly ones and the jealous ones. The jolly ones are fun. They accept everyone, including themselves. Yeah, they're fat. They eat too much. They are lazy. My fat GF tells me this all the time. She can scarf down a 1/2 gallon of ice cream and a couple of candy bars in one sitting. But, what the hell.

It's the jealous fatties that I have a problem with. The ones who will give you the evil eye when you walk into a restaurant. The ones who get mad at their BF's or husbands for looking at a lean attractive woman-and then get mad at you. The ones that'll send out mean gossip just 'cause they're jealous.

Just watch a mean fattie sometime. They'll step back and look the lean woman up and down and then give her a sneer. Nice, huh?

I bet you already knew this, though.

The Whale

I wanted to recount an experience I had over the summer. My family and I were at the beach, and there was a woman who had to have easily been 300 pounds or more. I had never seen a human that big before. I couldn't believe she had found a bathing suit to fit her.

Her legs were totally disgusting. Her ankles were as big as my thighs. Her thighs had crevices and pockmarks, as if it had hailed on her body and left scars.

For some reason, this woman decided to venture into the water, and can you guess what happened? The water knocked her down. It knocked her down, and she was so damn enormous that she couldn't pull herself back up. The waves pushed and jarred her. She rolled in the surf. My kids learned that fat people are very bouyant. She struggled and laughed (at least, fatties have a sense of humor--and why not?) for yards and yards as the ocean tossed her about. I (I know, you can hardly believe it) went to offer her fat family (you didn't expect them to be otherwise?) help. I was going to help them hoist her up. They graciously refused. They probably figured there was a liability issue.

For about an hour she sat in the surf. I figured she was doing her business as her face looked very intense. One of the porky little kids brought her a can of soda. The beached whale sat there for a long time until one of the men in her party was able to brace himself enough to finally pull her up.

Disgusting but true.

Fat Runs in Packs

I took this picture the other day in a local restaurant. If you look at the counter, you'll see a huge man in overalls. He came in with his fat family and was "bringing up the rear." They were all obese. Is it nature or nuture?

Just the other night, I was watching a show on Dateline. It was following a fat family around to see what they ate. The mother was obese, and she made really bad choices for her kids. Her 11yo daughter was 150 lbs. That seems criminal. The mother had no self-control. She drank two 2-liter bottles of Mountain Dew a day. How is she going to help her kids if she cannot help herself? Those kids were destined for trouble from the beginning.

Fat Fitness

I went to the gym this morning and there was a fat fitness instructor teaching our class. She's been an instructor for about two years, and when she first started teaching she was a little stout. Now she's just fat. It is incredibly aggravating because she slows down the class. She's too unhealthy and overweight to do a lot of the exercises herself. So I am going to write the gym and tell them that you cannot have a fattie teaching class. This woman is too lazy to even do 10 push-ups with the class. Pa-thetic!

All Gone

Well, they are gone. The New-Years Resolutioners have given up--as they do every year. They'll be back next January. What a joke.

Easy, Sleazy Fat Girls

Don't deny it. Fat girls are easy and sleazy. They know their market value--they know that they are at the bottom of the pecking order. It is so much easier to score a nice-looking fattie than it is to score a nice-looking trim woman. You know fat girls don't feel good about themselves, so they just give it away. That's why guys should have a fat female friend or two. Late night bootie calls when there's nothing else out there.